if you like me you must not know who I am
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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