Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
