so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
