i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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