Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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