thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
