So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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