you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
