That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
