you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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