It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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