I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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