i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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