Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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