Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
me + whiskey = a bad person
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And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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