So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
