Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
