woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
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Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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