please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
