matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
