Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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