I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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