I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
