I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
