I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Your cock deserves a montage
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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