Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
