As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize