I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so let's talk penis.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
