I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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