JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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