He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
