see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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