Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
