got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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