This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
