yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
