No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
