she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
