The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
