Texts From Last Night

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.

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  (330): i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow. http://tfl.nu/ez44
  Replies (11) Good night (3295) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?

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  (806): How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her? http://tfl.nu/a3s8
  Replies (78) Good night (580) Bad night (7570)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.

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  (409): Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever. http://tfl.nu/fjfv
  Replies (12) Good night (863) Bad night (4083)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Your favorite bartender is back from prision

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  (563): Your favorite bartender is back from prision http://tfl.nu/uuje
  Replies (12) Good night (6428) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?

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  (415): if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays? http://tfl.nu/4fwl
  Replies (26) Good night (915) Bad night (4629)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed

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  (303): He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed http://tfl.nu/muwj
  Replies (21) Good night (5038) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (343): View more from Ontario

  I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time

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  (343): I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time http://tfl.nu/okao
  Replies (3) Good night (3085) Bad night (827)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.

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  (267): Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup. http://tfl.nu/dysq
  Replies (10) Good night (3052) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties

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  (508): The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties http://tfl.nu/xmd1
  Replies (8) Good night (827) Bad night (1674)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us

  (847): View more from Illinois

  You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.

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  (630): At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us (847): You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high. http://tfl.nu/59an
  Replies (6) Good night (2701) Bad night (1260)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors

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  (870): He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors http://tfl.nu/atyp
  Replies (6) Good night (2424) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water

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  (801): He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water http://tfl.nu/etec
  Replies (6) Good night (734) Bad night (685)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around

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  (818): I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around http://tfl.nu/btrv
  Replies (4) Good night (434) Bad night (685)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.

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  (914): Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo. http://tfl.nu/y2dk
  Replies (4) Good night (480) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.

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  (734): When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office. http://tfl.nu/5u6k
  Replies (8) Good night (659) Bad night (268)

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