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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them

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• 

  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (906): View more from Michigan

  Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Love me.

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just for one nugget?

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• (209): View more from California

  Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island

  (209): View more from California

  The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have

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• 

  These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (304): View more from West Virginia

  You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.

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• (432): View more from Texas

  I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far

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• (925): View more from California

  It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  you mean still drunk

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I've heard it both ways

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