I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.