just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
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I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day