yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
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Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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