I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
