I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
