I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
