I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.