...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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