I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
