Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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