Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
