Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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