too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
