Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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