I like my sex mixed with concussions.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride