Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch