Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"