Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
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It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
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Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys