Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
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so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where