omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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