Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
