After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
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Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
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It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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