he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
