She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
